Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
