hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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