Yo dont text me then not text me
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
