is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
it glows. i had to have it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
