I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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