I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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