I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
