I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
