Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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