Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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