see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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