i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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