i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
