It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
