what if every blade of grass was a penis?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I know her cup size but not her name....
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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