I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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