I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
