In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
