There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize