I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
