I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
