you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
