dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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