The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
How external is "for external use only"?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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