can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
