i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
