she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
