: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
