it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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