I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
