Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I need to align my fucking chakras
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Why is there bacon in the couch?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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