dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize