I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
