She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
