There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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