The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
