This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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