All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
