Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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