im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
