There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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