I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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