Pappa wants mamma naked
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
