oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
