my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
