I think my fart just growled at me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize