he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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