dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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