38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I can't put those talents on a resume
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
