My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
