I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
