I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
