Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
