I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
