you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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