Little spoons don't ask big questions
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
