So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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