I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
