Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
