a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
