I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize