im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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