we have pet lesbian snakes
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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