it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
