I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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