I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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