i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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