I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
send nudes
from the living room?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
