I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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