I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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