I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize