Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
