just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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