you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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