no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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